Beneath the Green Jacket
by suspensegirl
Summary: 2x25 - It was what she wanted, and she'd wanted it for so long. But this time 'I love you' just wasn't enough. CB


A/N: This issue has bugged me since the episode aired. Obviously I got over it, because he FINALLY said ILY & they were FINALLY a couple & it was glorious. Plus, it was, in actuality, a week later, but…*sigh* he was SO pissed at her ten minutes earlier (in the episode itself). It just seemed like he flipped a switch from one extreme to the other (in what really felt like the next day, not seven days later) and that was really unsettling for me. Anyways, I have not been stewing over this for the last 3 seasons. Lol. I was just looking for scenes for a vid tonight and in the midst of skimming through 2x25, I came across the CB scenes from the second half of the ep and just…felt…this _need_ to start this (as if I haven't started enough fics in the last month XD). I do have several S6 fluff o/s's in the works – ESP AFTER THAT O-M-G CB SNEAK! *squealing forever* - but…S2 angst was the worst for me (despite all the worse things they've gone through since then), so when inspiration for it hits me, there's not much I can do about it. Hope you can enjoy at least a little bit. ;)

*I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.

…

**Ch.1—A Little Too Late**

"_I love you too."_

It was what she'd wanted. All year she'd wanted this. She'd be lying to herself if she said she hadn't. Even just a week ago she had been desperate to hear those words fall from his lips, for them to finally be together, for her to get her real fairytale ending, the one she'd been so sure she was going to get when he strongly suggested they "take it slow" on the dance floor at his father's wedding reception.

But it just wasn't enough anymore. She'd put her heart out on her sleeve too many times and it had only been ripped off and stomped on mercilessly. She couldn't take that kind of hurt anymore, and those three – well, four – words now just weren't going to cut it. All this time she had kind of sort of known that he loved her, but that couldn't have really been true if this one horrible deed had been enough for him to tell her they weren't worth it, and what they had wasn't enough.

"_Tell me it was for something."_

"_Maybe it was…but it's not anymore."_

She knew he had a right to be mad, furious even. It was why she had been so desperate to hide it from him. Even as she said it, she knew her line about Jack only "comforting" her and Chuck doing the same thing with Vanessa was pathetic. They were excuses, nothing less, but what else could she give him when they were the truth of the situation?

Jack had been _horrible_ to Chuck. And he was Chuck's _uncle_. Her only defense was that she hadn't realized Jack was as manipulative as he proved to be when she had made the mistake of sleeping with him because she was miserable over Chuck's disappearance and the fact that he hadn't returned her declaration of love. But that would sound pathetic too, so she hadn't bothered. She'd seen the look in his eyes when they were all gathered later that night, summoned by Serena – who apparently had just been outwitted once again by Gossip Girl. She knew what Chuck's stare meant, knew it by how deep he looked into her eyes, how he penetrated her soul even through the thick glass and across the wide sidewalk.

_It was over. For good._

Of course she'd said the same words to him once, and through the course of time that opinion had changed.

But it felt like his cruel words had only been said yesterday. She could still feel the wet tears that had dried on her face. Probably because she'd succumbed to crying more than once since he'd gone out of the country – to waste his time away on prostitutes (or whoever would sleep with him) and the pleasures of 'high living', she'd concluded.

According to his explanation now though, it had only been to buy her presents.

She highly doubted that.

Presents were probably after thought after he'd convinced himself he couldn't get her out of his head.

That was the thing about Chuck Bass. He always came back to her, and he was always the first to run. If she could have helped it, she would have never fallen in love with him in the first place.

Well, that wasn't true. But when she hurt as bad as she had in the past year, she wanted it to be.

"No," she said in response, watching as his face contorted into confusion and then uneasiness and panic.

She'd smiled first. Big. HUGE. Ginormous! Because he'd finally said it. He'd finally told her he loved her after all these months of waiting for him to make a commitment by giving her those three words, there they were, and it was as if he was just continuing their conversation from before. Instead of leaving her in tears, he was returning the favor she'd given him four times now.

But her aching heart won out, as did the reminder of their history and how painful it was. She hadn't wanted to be weak by shying away from being with him, but in her opinion it took even more strength to walk away from what she wanted so badly. It would be good to have a clean slate after all, just like she'd told Serena.

"I…don't understand." He shook his head slowly, and she realized then that he'd assumed that confession would be the winner. That was supposed to win her over.

She would have ridiculed him in her mind if she hadn't thought the exact same thing up until now.

She swallowed hard. "I'm sorry, Chuck, but you've hurt me too many times," she emphasized again.

"But you said…" he walked towards her a few steps, desperate now, already. "You said that if I said it, you would be mine," he reminded her.

It almost made her cry because he didn't sound angry or possessive at all, just sad, just desperate and helpless. Both of them were so used to being in control. She understood completely how he felt when he lost the one piece that was supposed to keep him in command.

"A lot has happened since I said that, Chuck," she said quietly, avoiding his gaze.

He set the other presents on the limo beside them and took hold of her wrists gently. She swallowed hard again.

"I'm sorry I ran away, Blair," he said just as quietly. "But please don't give up on me."

Hesitantly, she looked up at him.

"Don't give up on us," he pleaded.

Her eyebrows narrowed. "_Us_?" she demanded, instantly angry. He froze as she pulled away from him. "There is no _us_, Chuck," she scoffed. "You said yourself that what we have doesn't warrant an 'us'. We can't be a normal couple, because we'll only end up messing it all up. You said that, right?"

He nodded slowly, realizing it was becoming hard to breathe. "Yes, I did, but-"

"And did you not also say that it was impossible to imagine 'Chuck and Blair holding hands' or 'Chuck and Blair going to the movies'?"

"Yes, but-"

"Did you know that when you said that I only conceded to it, because you were so convinced of it? Did you know that ever since you unofficially apologized at your father's wedding last year, all I wanted was to do all those coupley things that couples do and I wanted to do them with _you_?" she fumed.

The admission shocked him, but he wouldn't let himself over-think it right now. Not when she refused to let him defend himself.

"_Blair_."

His eyes narrowed and she snapped her mouth shut.

"I _also_ said that maybe we could try to make something work between us in the _future_."

She sneered at him. "How could I forget?"

"Well, Blair, maybe the future is _now_," he forced out, getting irritated by her ignorance of where he stood, even if she had a right to be furious.

"Maybe it's too late for that." She crossed her arms across her chest.

"Are you really giving up on me?" he asked in disbelief. The thought seemed unfeasible when she'd fought so hard for him just the week before. The memory still burned in his brain.

"You've done it enough times," she said simply, not a shadow of a tear in her eyes.

He sighed and stepped towards her again.

"You slept with my _uncle_, Blair," he said softly, making it clear that while he had been mad about that particular announcement, he'd discovered after he licked his wounds that he wanted her more. He'd decided she was worth it, that _they_ were worth it.

She looked away, feeling the guilt wallow up in her again as her anger slowly subsided.

"And he wasn't just my only living relative left. He manipulated and used me. He turned us against each other and he tried to rape Lily!"

Her eyes flashed to his. She knew all these facts already, but there was one in particular that stuck with her.

"Jack didn't tear us apart, Chuck. You did."

He nodded and swallowed. "I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

There were no excuses. Nothing. She sighed.

"And then…then you came to me when you realized your whore was only using you. She only wanted you for your money. I was your second choice," she accused.

He gulped. "You've always been my first choice, Blair. Sometimes when I really screw up though I convince myself you're not even an option."

Her eyes narrowed. She refused to let herself be swayed. "Nate told me what you thought of her."

Chuck searched her eyes desperately, unsure of what she was about to reveal.

"That she was the most beautiful woman you'd ever seen?" Her face fell in sadness. "That…she knew your every desire? That your one night with her was the best night you've ever had in your entire life?"

His breath caught in his throat.

"I'm sorry, Chuck….about Jack. I never meant for it to happen. My only excuse is that I was distraught over where you were and if you were okay. I was just miserable, and he was there."

He swallowed again.

"But even that horrible, horrendous thing that I did doesn't justify all the hurt you put me through."

"I know that," he said hurriedly. "And I'm going to make it up to you. I promise."

"No." She shook her head rapidly, tears finally welling up in her eyes. "I'm not going to let you break me again."

"_Blair_," he begged, his breath caught in his throat again, desperation burning his throat.

"_No_." She took his hands off her wrists and pulled away slightly, just like she'd done at the White Party, and just like she'd done when he'd tried to apologize after he'd realized how Jack had deceived him.

She looked up at him. "I told Serena that college will be a fresh start for me. No Nate, no Chuck, no Yale. Not even my best friend. Just Gossip Girl." She laughed cruelly, hating every word of truth that she was clinging to, every solemn vow she'd sworn to Serena. "There will be so little going on in my life that I may not even get the nasty finger of that cyber bitch pointed at me every second of my life."

"Things are different, Blair. I'm in it for the long haul," he said, determined and grabbing her wrists again.

She looked almost disgusted. "Are you?"

"_Yes_."

"How could you be? You don't know the first thing about how to maintain a relationship."

"Blair-"

"I suggest you stick to your original conclusion and just believe we'd never make it."

She walked past him then, as he stood there, stunned. After everything they'd both done to each other, and for each other, he had ruined it all. By the time he finally realized what he'd let slip away because of his own stubbornness, he'd lost her again.

He couldn't believe it.

And she didn't even come back for her gifts. Even when angry, he never knew Blair to abandon such gifts as he'd brought her. He wondered briefly if she would have left behind another expensive necklace.

He sighed shakily and grabbed the gifts from where they sat on top of the car. He turned to look down the direction where she'd gone, but he couldn't see her anymore, so he opened the car door and slid inside. The door shut softly behind him and slowly the limo pulled away from the curb. He couldn't understand how it had all gone wrong.

She'd wanted three words, eight letters from him and he'd given them to her.

_I love you._

How the hell had they turned out to be not enough?

…..

A/N: Wow, I'm already choked up… please review! FYI, the fic will continue by going back through that week when Chuck was in Europe up until just before this scene before it returns to the dilemma at hand.


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